Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
