I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
