i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
