oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's shark week go big or go home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
