can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
