i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
