Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
