...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
