I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
not ubering you a puppy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
