i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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