Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
