Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
