Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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