don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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