"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
