If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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