Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
