Can i not drive my cunt home
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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