you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
