Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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