She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
