oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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