i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
