His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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