im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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