you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
