no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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