The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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