I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
