Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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