Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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