i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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