I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
