I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
just found out that she named her cat after me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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