There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
