my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
