i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
