My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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