I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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