And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
