dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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