Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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