why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
