didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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