I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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