no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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