last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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