Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
