sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just gift wrapped bread.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
