Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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