I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
