finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
